Slay Like a Mother by Katherine Wintsch

Author:Katherine Wintsch
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Published: 2019-03-06T16:00:00+00:00

IF YOU DESPISE “perfect” mothers, THEN STOP TRYING TO BE THE BITCH you hate.

CHAPTER 8

You. Just. Can’t. Say. No.

As mothers, we say yes more often than we should. It’s a hazard of the job. Maybe you say yes to other adults when you’re new to the party (e.g., in a new school, relationship, or job) and want to fit in by being a little overly agreeable and available. Perhaps you also become a yes-woman to your kids when after a long day of negotiating meals, homework, and tube-top selections, you simply don’t have the energy to fight anymore. Or if you’re having a rough go as a single, newly divorced, or working mother, the guilt you feel over saying no to chaperoning school field trips might tempt you to say yes to more toys, TV time, and ice cream to make up for it.

None of these situations are ideal of course, but your intentions behind them are relatively clean. They’re conscious decisions to say yes, particularly during taxing times, and I don’t suggest losing much sleep over them. You’ve got bigger fish to fry, and they’re a relatively quick fix once you become aware of them.

Your time and energy will be better spent focusing on the situations when your intentions are a little more wonky—when your motivation is to impress and persuade, or when you say yes because you’re desperate for everyone to believe you’re capable of carrying the world on your shoulders. You can detect these situations because that double life of yours shows up again. You know, when your next-door neighbor invites you to yet another fund-raising event, and your intuition says, Please, for the love of God, decline this invitation; I’m exhausted, but your mouth says, “Are you kidding me? I can’t wait. Can I bring a cheese tray?” It’s likely you’re saying yes because you’re longing for others to love you and doing more for them feels like a fast pass to making that happen.

In this chapter, I’ll help you see that you’re giving away your precious time because you believe others deserve it more than you—and that needs to stop. To quiet this self-sabotaging habit, I’ll help you shift your perspective from worrying about who you’re saying no to and toward thinking about who’s on the receiving end of yes—not just you, but all the people who your newfound happiness and calm will touch. Through this proven process, you’ll be able to take your time and power back and start showing that dragon of yours who’s boss.

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